Council-funded sex education tells pupils ‘ask for consent before choking’

Sex education materials taught to teenagers in schools included references to asking for consent before choking a partner.

The Times has seen a Powerpoint presentation intended for PSHE lessons at secondary schools telling pupils: “Consent should also happen every time sexual choking is an option, not just the first time.”

The content was funded by Bridgend county borough council, in south Wales, and provided by its domestic abuse service, Assia. Claire Waxman, London’s victims’ commissioner, described the material as “deeply concerning”.

The presentation said: “It is never OK to start choking someone without asking them first and giving them space to say no. Make it clear that they have a right to say no if they don’t want to be choked, and their no should be respected and if it’s not respected that is sexual assault.

“Consent under threat is not consent. Consent should also happen every time sexual choking is an option, not just the first time.

“Pornography is not designed to be an educational resource, it’s entertainment. So a scene that involves choking is not going to show the consent negotiations or safety protocols that you would see if this were practised in real life.”

Michael Conroy, the founder of Men At Work, which trains teachers how to deliver appropriate PSHE lessons, raised the material with local MPs.

He said: “This is not sex education, this is just advocacy for the porn industry. Imagine you are a 14-year-old girl and you have told your boyfriend you don’t want to be choked but then an authority figure comes into school and tells you it is OK.

“Choking cuts off oxygen to the brain and is incredibly harmful, it can even kill. Most schools will take it on trust that something endorsed by the local authority is OK.

“There is a rampant myth that choking can be done safely and is simply another option for a sexual act. It’s normalised in porn and served up to teenagers via social media algorithms. The practice of choking is rife and I have seen it become a much bigger issue in the last two years.

“Teachers are not experts in this stuff and seek help from others but it is a wild west out there. There is an industry grown up around the discomfort that schools have these modern topics.”

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Last week, Martin Griffiths, a trauma and vascular surgeon at Barts Health NHS Trust, told The Times Crime and Justice Summit that young people “routinely” ask him how to choke their partner during sex.

He said: “If you look at what’s happening, what people can see, there’s a movement towards violent pornography, demeaning acts with women, BDSM, bondage.

“Choking is a massive issue for me. That’s something that people are normalising as part of sexual behaviour. I’m routinely asked by young people, is it OK to choke my partner? How can I do it safely? Is it OK to say no to being choked?”

Waxman said: “It is deeply concerning to hear the normalisation of choking and strangulation, which need to be called out as dangerous behaviours. The Domestic Abuse Act has even recognised this, making non-fatal strangulation a specific criminal offence in 2021.

“Children are being exposed to dangerous content at far too young an age, and it is so important for schools to recognise this and ensure they are delivering the right information using reputable organisations and experts.”

The Times approached Bridgend county borough council for comment but it did not respond.

A spokesman told a local newspaper: “The suggestion that children are being taught to consent to damaging sexual behaviour is simply not true. All pastoral advice used by local schools is carefully designed to be age-appropriate, and to encourage teenagers who are maturing into young adults to develop healthy, respectful relationships where there is no abuse of any kind.

“Bridgend county borough council takes its safeguarding responsibilities very seriously, and anyone who approaches the Assia domestic abuse service regarding this issue will be informed that non-fatal strangulation remains an illegal, dangerous criminal act.”