Survivor breaks the cycle as domestic violence leaves long-lasting impact on Oklahomans

OKLAHOMA CITY —

Many Oklahoma families face domestic violence every day, which is a state and community issue with long-lasting impacts and can shape children's futures.

"As a child, you decide that coming forward and bringing up the trauma isn't going to be received well," said Cara Carllson, a survivor who witnessed and experienced violence.

Many Oklahoma children live with domestic violence. Their scars are sometimes invisible, but the effects are long-lasting.

"I carried on the tradition, so to speak," said Carllson,

KOCO 5 asked Carllson what was it that made her say she needed to seek help.

"It was one particular moment. I was strangled," she said.

Oklahoma consistently ranks among the highest states for domestic violence, particularly for homicides. The latest state data shows numbers spiked with 122 victims in 2023. Twenty-one children were killed, and, on average, 59 children are witnessing the violent death of a family member.

"It was very normalized for me," Carllson said. "I felt trapped. I felt trapped."

Early intervention is critical. Studies show that children exposed to violence three times are more likely to engage in violence or experience it later in life.

"If children are witnessing unhealthy behaviors at home, they're more than likely going to encounter those when they become teens," said Lindsey Cardone, who runs Camp Hope and is the director of family and children services at Palomar. "We get to work with our kids, we provide them healthy adults to try and help break those inter-generational cycles of abuse."

Last year, Palomar served more than 1,500 children with nearly 2,000 child visits.

"We have to show up for our kids that are experiencing those things to change those cycles," Cardone said. "Sometimes in their homes. There's no safe places to be."

"We serve all ages. We've had 2-week-old babies before to 20-year-olds," Cardone said.

Children in homes with domestic violence experience trauma. Signs include anxiety, depression, self-isolation and loss of interest in school

"It can impact them physically, mentally, emotionally," said Annita Rydberg with YWCA Oklahoma City.

Rydberg said many children blame themselves for the violence.

"We want to help them understand healthy ways to cope. We want to help them understand red flags," Rydberg said.

Studies show that merely being aware of violence can lead to lasting negative impacts.

I've been here long enough to, unfortunately, to see children that I've served as children who are now coming back as adults, either identified as the perpetrator in a relationship or an adult victim," Rydberg said.

Advocates say changing the cycle starts with believing victims and meeting families where they are.

For Carllson, that support changed her life. She broke the cycle, repaired her relationship with her kids and is now helping others.

"I'm just at a point where I'm pretty proud of myself. I'm pretty proud of myself. I am proud of myself," Carllson said.

Domestic abuse remains a statewide problem, and many cases go unreported. Recent state laws aim to increase funding and streamline the court process for victims.

Anyone experiencing domestic violence can find resources below.

• For immediate assistance, call 911
• Palomar OKC
• Crime Victims' Compensation
• OKDHSLive!
• Oklahoma Victim Information and Notification Everyday (VINE) Link
• Oklahoma City Police Department Sex Crimes Unit: 405-297-1133
• Oklahoma City Police Department Domestic Violence Unit: 405-297-1125
• YWCA Domestic Violence Victim Assistance: 405-297-1139
• Oklahoma County Sheriff's Office: 405-713-1000
• Victims’ Rights
• Oklahoma State Courts Network (OSCN)
• Oklahoma City Housing Authority: 405-239-7551
• YWCA OKC
• YWCA Administration Office: 405-948-1770
• If you are seeking shelter, please call the YWCA's 24-hr Domestic Violence Hotline at 405-917-9922
• If you have experienced sexual assault, please call the YWCA's 24-hr Sexual Assault Hotline at 405-943-7273
• To contact the 24-hour State Safeline by phone, please call 1-800-522-7233